Peer Review Paper 3

Since I was absent the day we did the peer review in class, a peer and myself chose to do the peer review outside of class on our own time. Andrew suggested that I should elaborate a little more on the advertisement itself and the different images that were used in the image. According to him, I should have used less outside information in the process of constructing my paper. He liked how I did incorporate unique facts about the ad itself and how I shed some light on the anti ad and the process the fast food actually undergoes. 

I definitely enjoyed reading Andrew's paper. He used a great variety of vivid diction. I suggested that he should change some of the phrasings in his paper since he did actually repeat himself on two occasions. Other than that, I believed that his paper was pretty well constructed up to that point.

Gangnam Style

horses, drinking ,playground, thrill, snow, sauna, dancing, party bus, on boat, parking garage and subway.

Secret

This activity let me talk about a secret which I wouldn't talk to anyone else about because I feel like others would judge me for it, while in the context of this activity people might just get a good laugh out of it. My audience for this is pretty much anyone that is interested in the secret, people that are bored and just want to look at things like this or people who want to get a laugh out of the misfortunes of others. I looked through a magazine at first just to inspire myself and I found an image of an object which relates to my secret. I cut out that specific item, glued it on the card and wrote some words, to be more exact: my secret.  My secret gave the item more meaning because it explained the picture I used. Even though this might not be my deepest darkest secret, I believe that the combination of the image and my wording might let people understand what this is about.

Class Blog 11/14/12

Class Blog

During class today Ms. Lang handed back our first drafts of paper #3 about the anti ad that we were supposed to create. She gave us some time to look over the corrections and comments that she made before we proceeded to talk about other class-related issues. Also, Ms. Lang told us when all the revisions of paper one, two and three would be due.

Revisions:

Paper 1 - Wednesday 11/21/12
Paper 2 - Friday 11/30/12
Paper 3 - no revision option

Ms. Lang went over some common problems she found in our drafts of paper #3. The main issues were the fact that a lot of students claimed that "people think they become famous if they use the product" and the students' inability to use internal citations.

How to cite something in the text:

-book or magazine: if it is just one sentence: (last name of author, pg#)
                               if it is a whole paraphrased paragraph: (last name)
-website: (last name)

Some important things that we should include in our papers are our audiences and where our ad originally came from. That information is essential to construct our papers. 1/3 of our paper should focus on how we constructed and modified this ad for a specific audience. Because some students are not too great with computers, we may construct our ads without the use of any computer graphics.


After we talked about the paper, we discussed the reading on page 192. The main focus of that reading was about perspectives about other people without knowing their background or context.

Ms. Lang wrote down the following things on the board:
-perspective of the other person
-how do you know?
-stereotypes of black men
      -shock/curiosity
      -fear
      -understanding stereotype
            -ashamed
-take precautions

How the reading was constructed:
-naive tone
-distinct voice: since he incorporates his background into his present experiences, he gives it a very personal touch
-genuine/honest
-reflective

What affects the public sphere:
-teachers
-figures of authority
-people who stand out/ people that don't stick to the norms of our society


We will have an option to publish our anti ads!

We will create magazines with our ads in them with ads with similar audiences.



FOR FRIDAY: BRING A PAIR OF SCISSORS AND A MAGAZINE

Nike Maxim
In the advertisement, there is an original yellow and purple Nike soccer ball which is used in the Barclay's Premiere League these days. It is called Nike Maxim and according to the advertisement it is "The World's Best Ball." The fact that this ball is used in the Premiere League appeals to the audience's ethos, because if professional soccer players use this kind of soccer ball, it must be high quality and one of the best products on the market. Naturally, that is debatable since that is a matter of opinion. This specific ad is trying to sell a $150 soccer ball to athletes that play soccer. The target audience is probably men between the age of 15 and 35, considering this is a pretty expensive ball. The background is a dark shade of gray, which reflects even more masculinity. The ball is also somewhat wet. That is probably supposed to inform the audience that even if it is raining the player has a pretty good grip on the ball while shooting. This image invites me to believe that if I buy an expensive soccer ball such as this, I might be able to achieve the same skill level as some of the professional soccer players and that I might become better.

Corrupt Politics 
I never really knew much about politics, since I never really cared about it. When my family and I moved to the United States from Germany though, all that changed. I started to educate myself about the hierarchy of authority in this country and learned about leading figures such as the president or the vice president of the United States, as well as the general facts about political parties and their main beliefs. Because the outcome of the next presidential election will play a huge rule in my parents' acquisition of the green card in the near future, I figured that voting for Romney will give them the best shot of getting the green card within the next two years. 

Throughout the past few weeks numerous college students have approached me and asked me whether I have registered to vote. Since I deeply care about the outcome of the next presidential election, I had gone through the lengthy process of registering quite some time ago. Naturally, I had watched all the presidential and vice presidential debates in order to accurately inform myself of the available options and which would benefit me the most. Since my dad had gotten my brother and myself the green card a few years back due to our backgrounds, his connections and the investments he had made in this country. Now, my brother and I are able to vote in this country but our parents who made it possible for us to live here merely have visas in order to maintain their residency in the United States.

Because my family now lives in Naples, I had to order an absentee ballot, which I received in the mail about a week ago. That document made it able for me to vote even though I registered to vote in Naples. I voted for Mitt Romney, because his policies on immigration will make it possible for my parents to get the green card in the upcoming year. Naturally, my brother wanted to show his appreciation for his parents as well and therefore he voted for Romney as well.

I find it disturbing that my parents who made it possible for my brother and myself to become citizens of this country don’t even have a green cared yet, to wait at least five more years to become citizens of this great nation and on the other hand, hundreds of illegal immigrants make their way into this country every day and make it so much harder for those who try to migrate to this country legally. Those illegal immigrants take jobs away from Americans who worked hard all of their lives in order to attain the social status they have now. 

Paper 2

After reviewing the comments and highlighted portions of my paper, I was pleased to see that about half my paper was highlighted. For the next draft I will include the orgin of the poster and an analysis of the facial expressions of the two candidates. Even though the use of "vs" is not too relevant in the overall image in my opinion, it is quite possible that I will include it in my next draft. Even though I did not state a specific audience of the image, it is apparent that the audience of this image are republicans and independants who are unsure of casting their vote in the upcoming election. Even though one of the suggestions is to rely more on the image rather than my outside knowledge of politics, it is rather difficult to fill 7 pages by explaining to colors, two words and two faces and their meaning in the context of each other.

Paper 2 Peer Review

Since I was absent on the day I was supposed to do the peer review, Andrew and I sat down together outside of class to discuss my work. My paper will analyze the attached image, its individual components and how they contribute in making a strong statement about the upcoming election. My thesis will be something along the lines of: "This very specific piece of propaganda, which I selected, represents the values, morals and views of roughly half of America’s population, including my own." I chose this specific image because through using two words, two faces and two colors, this image pretty much highlights the both the political campaigns which currently take place all over America. By analyzing this image I hope to shed some light on why Obamas' policies lead to a failure of our economy. I was asked the following question by the person I was working with: " Can you elaborate on this topic for seven pages and what is your position on this issue?" I take a rather strong position on the fact that this image is more than accurate and explaining this to my audience over the course of seven pages should not be a problem. I only had one question about this topic which was whether it actually goes along with the prompt and whether I can actually write about this for this assignment, and the answer was yes. 

1. The picture that I chose contains multiple people drinking beer, wearing traditional "Lederhosen" and "Dirndls." The background in this image seems to be a bar or basement in the suburbs of a German city.

2. The fact that all the people are dressed rather unique might give one the impression that there is a special occasion going on. The giant glasses of beer, Masze, and the environment such as the wooden wall and the alcohol bottles on the back wall convey a sense of a cheery mood.

3. The image is about a rather long story since it reflects a whole culture. In Germany, it has always been considered ordinary to have such an amount of beer with lunch and dinner, starting at the age of 16. The clothing was worn by Germans a long time ago, especially by the people in the south and now this attire is worn for special occasions only. It also tells a short story about the people and the party they are probably having at that time.

4. My view of this photo is rather neutral and I view it as part of my culture. Someone else perhaps would consider this to be awkward, but when I saw this picture I actually thought it was kind of cool since it reminds me of home.

1. I personally find it the most efficient to draw the reader into my paper by stating vague concepts and ideas which I use throughout my paper that will get the audience interested in reading my paper. For instance, I stated that there is propaganda in certain video games I played, that Disney movies about 13 years ago played a role in my personal development and the fact that it made me who I am today, which implies that the reader is about to hear a part of my life story. Since I made use of a rather formal and objective voice, I feel like it gives my introduction a somewhat serious touch which in my opinion does make it more interesting to read.

2. Throughout the conclusion of my paper I basically used the same strategies which I used in my introduction since that wraps up the paper in the most professional manner. Using a different tone in the intro and conclusion such as in the essay "Music Television Mike" makes the paper less convincing and less interesting. I also introduced one new thought which is supposed to get my audience thinking.

3. The answer "so what?" is answered by me stating how all of the above influenced me and shaped me who I am and introducing the idea that making use of media as an educational tool for children is a good idea.

Paper

In the beginning of my paper, I chose a few Disney movies to analyze since that was the earliest form of electronic entertainment I ever encountered. Needless to say, I do not remember too much about those movies and especially not the exact impact on my life they might have had at that point in my life. Therefore, I decided to be less specific and a little more broad in order to reflect my actual experience as accurately as possible. I will dig a little deeper though so I can actually explain how those movies influenced and how they will influence me in the future. By using similarities that are shown in the movie that go along with some events in my life I can easily analyze those movies.

Another issue that I have to address in my paper is the fact that I did not sufficiently explained the impact FIFA had on my life since it was an element of the culture I grew up in. I can change that by incorporating the world cup games that I went to in 2006 when I still lived in Germany.

Workshop

During the last 30 minutes Chris, Sam and I discussed our outlines for the papers we will soon have written. They presented me with some great feedback and awesome ideas to incorporate into my paper. All the questions I had were answered by my group and this activity seemed to be quite helpful for the development of my paper. My paper will be about how electronic entertainment such as movies and video games had an impact on my development from the age of 3 all the way to the present. My next draft will definitely have a lot more details and explanations why in fact the entertainment I was exposed to had an influence on my life. Some constructive feedback I gave to one of my group members actually was a thought I will also use in my next draft, therefore the workshop was not only beneficial to my group members, but to me as well.

In John Wayne: A Love song the audience gets some pretty good insight on the characteristics and values that shape a man. Examples of that include the quality of being tough, revenge seeking and a representative of justice. In the trailer that we just watched this was symbolized by one guy trying to shoot the man that called his friend a drunk and also one of the brothers who was trying to find the murderer of his father in order to seek some revenge. I strongly believe that such characteristics were important at that point of time in history considering that ones image and reputation was a survival key at that time which John Wayne reflects perfectly. A man should also be willing to do whatever is necessary to protect his family and belongings. Women on the other hand were inferior to man but still played somewhat of a motherly role.

The book Lone Survivor by Marcus Luttrell taught me a very important lesson about life. The book is about four Navy Seal's in Afghanistan of whom three sacrificed their lives so they would not disobey orders. When they saw a couple of farmers of whom they were sure of that they were Taliban spies, they did not kill them since they did not pose an apparent threat. An hour later their suspicions were confirmed when one hundred Taliban soldiers with AK47's charged at them over the hill. Unfortunately three of them died but one managed to defend himself against all of them and lived to tell the story. I believe that this sense of loyalty is a very important aspect in life and that this code of loyalty should be maintained in all cases between friends and family.

Shitty First Drafts

Review:
It was rather apparent that Anne Lamott's intention in "Shitty First Drafts" was to educate inexperienced writers in the process of writing a paper. Throughout reading this essay I noticed that Lamott pretty much kept saying the same thing through the use of different examples such as her food reviews for the California magazine. A technique worth considering would be to put all thoughts down on paper and continually revising those until the achievement of a masterpiece worth publishing. I disagree with her claim that: "I would eventually let myself trust the process."

My Process:
When I write a paper I tend to sit down and take some time to think about what I actually want to put down on paper. More or less, I create a first draft in my mind so I can proceed with writing a pretty decent first draft which doesn't require too much editing on my part for the the final draft. Usually my editing consists of rewording and rephrasing individual sentences, but the thoughts and main ideas throughout my paper remain the same. Even though I don't completely disagree with Lamott's approach to write a paper, I believe that her technique is more suited for less experienced writers.

Metaphor:
For me, writing is being in a fight. At first it is a struggle and a pain to put the words down on paper. Multiple combinations of words battle each other to earn their place on my paper, but only one will win. Once the fight is over, I am the victor having put down the perfect combination of words and having it gotten over with. The process is exhausting but worth it once completed.